Wednesday, November 20, 2013

How I Would Handle a Dragon Ball Movie

Dragon Ball Evolution was disappointing for a lot of reasons. It had a lot of potential, but on some levels, it still succeeded. The first was the setting, I liked it being set in modern day Earth (not that weird almost infinite Earth it was actually set on), Justin Chatwin's casting as Goku and the fact that he knows what girls are. That last bit was very awkward for a little kid me to watch.
Nicki Minaj
I'd suck on those.

However, I would not adapt it off of the Dragon Ball anime, but rather the Dragon Ball Z anime. As in, the anime that everybody remembers because of it's epicness. It would have to be of the Saiyan Saga and culminate with the arrival of Cell. It would be a compressed version, of course, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Here's what I would do:
Now, here's what I would do with the Dragon Ball film:

* Setting - Like I said, modern Earth with America, Russia, Egypt, Australia and Canada, settings we can identify with and relate to for the search for the Dragon Balls. Honestly, for Goku to be an awkward child who never truly fit in due to an overprotective grandfather makes sense. Also, it also makes sense for Saiyans to have had contact with Earth much like the Predators did in AvP (a good backstory, shitty film, in my opinion). This way it makes sense for him to have had cut off Goku's tail, knowing of Japanese Saiyan legends (make it Native American if he's in Amurica), so we can avoid all that Oozaru-Great Ape nonsense.
Damn her boobiez is huge!

* Characters - Goku, Bulma, Vegeta, flashbacks to Grandpa Gohan, Trunks and we're good. We honestly don't even need Chi Chi, but she can be there for funzies.
My favorite photo of her ass.

My Second Favorite

* Plot - A compressed adaptation of the Saiyan Saga that somewhat mirrors District 9 mixed with Man of Steel.
It's true, though.

* Necessities - Goku's costume, Saiyan armour and wait for it.... SUPER FUCKING SAIYAN!
She's blonde and her clothes ripped off! Super Saiyan!

That is all.


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